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Of political experiments, small test tubes vs big specimen

By Onguso Ochengo

“Behold, I’m the King’s favorite, I’m the King’s Favorite! Shouted the House negro from the top of the Mountain. From thence, he unzipped and shouted, “I can make it rain, I can make it rain!” By the time the shouting was over, Mr. Big Man had urinated on the heads of the King’s visitors; Visitors whose stretch of the hand in comity maintained peace in the Kingdom.

This is the story of the political test tube baby. Adopted to the King’s palace as a servant, his was to toil for the benefit of the master King. To tidy the palace and make the palace look good. Every task was diligently performed, the King’s compound was keenly swept, the windows were dutifully dusted and the King’s gate orders were religiously enforced. All courtesy of the test tube baby.

Courtesy of the performance, the servant was pampered and fat and fat he grew. A plumpy figure was the result, fat cheeks, fat shape and fat everything. By the very performance, the King saw it fit to elevate the servant to status of supervising all the other servants. From the gate man, to the sweepers and the cooks.

There was a raised chair near at the dining table, That was dedicated to the chief servant. With the excesses and proximity to the dining table where the King hosted his friends, the Chief servant increased in body size and ego. But anyway the duties must be performed and, yes, he remained the King’s favorite.

One day, the King was diagnosed with an ailment and his time on earth was nearing its end. The King’s biological children were too young to sit on the thrown. But the King was goodhearted and saw potential in the chief servant. He summoned members of the inner sanctum of his kingdom and instructed them,”Now that my days are almost over, and my children are yet to be of age, I leave it to you, o, wise men of my kingdom. For the diviners ask the spirits if they’ll allow my chief servant to inherit my kingdom until my children are of age. Intervene with the ancestors to accept my chief servant to be robed in the kingly wear. Lastly, as we wait for the gods to communicate, start preparing the chief servant for the takeover.”

As the King instructed the wise men of his Kingdom, the Chief Servant got wind of the King’s Plan. Since the adoption of the chief servant to the King’s palace, he had abandoned his friends and relatives. He claimed his people had played zero role in the adoption process and, therefore, they had nil rights to benefit from the King’s Palace through him. However, the goodhearted King was still generous to all his subjects and he distributed largesse to all. But whenever the King distributed proceeds of the kingdom to the Chief Servant’s people, the Chief Servant rushed back to his people and declared, “Were it not for me, the King could not have brought you the goodies!”

Days came and days went by. The wisemen had tailored kingly robes that whomsoever fits in them, could become King. One day they summoned the chief servant to the dressing room. They tried to fit the robes, but he was too plumpy. As per the traditions of the kingdom, kingly robes are not to be adjusted. So wisemen had two options: to break the traditions or tell the chief servant to regulate his diet and consequently his body size.

The wise men tried to tell the servant to cut his body size, but he shouted back, “Only the King can instruct me! Don’t you people know I’m his favorite!”

The wisemen convened a secret meeting to discuss the fate of the Kingdom.Remember the visitors that were urinated on! Tradition had it, that if visitors to the Kingdom, had kingly traits and were willing to bath in the Purifying River seven times, they could be properly crowned.

In the mind of the Chief Servant, there was only one way of stopping the visitor from being King. The Kingdom is not for the weak. He was determined to cause a fight with the visitor and prove to the King that the Visitor is weak and unfit for the throne.

The Chief Servant mobilized all the servants in the King’s Compound to fight the Visitor in the visitor’s backyard. But unknown to the Servant, the Visitor had won even the hearts of his own people. The Chief Servant lost the fight. The ambitions of the Servant had blinded the Chief servant of the importance of the comity between the King and the Visitor.

After the fight, the King summoned the wise men to report on the status of the experiment .” Your Lordship, no kingly robe can fit your servant. We tried to tell him to watch his diet but he could hear none of us. He demanded to hear from none but you!”

“In my rulership,” the King retorted, “I’ve ruled with your counsel wise men. Even responsibilities assigned to the chief servant were based on your advise. If he hears you not now when I’m alive, how will the Kingdom be ruled under his hand once I’m no more?”

“If a specimen is too big to fit into a test tube, how can it be experimented on? It must be cut into pieces! Henceforth, Prepare the visitor for the throne. But since I reward loyalty, tell the Visitor to forgive the chief servant for his behavior and unnecessary fight.”

The visitor was as goodhearted as the King. He forgave the Servant and all preparations to crown the visitor were put in motion

And that is the story of a failed political experiment; a story of small test tubes versus big specimen!

Onguso Ochengo is Deputy Director of Delivery, President’s Delivery Unit. He is a Political Scientist and Advocate of the High Court of Kenya. He holds a Bachelor of Arts in Political Science (UoN), Master of Arts in Political Science (UoN), Bachelor of Law, LLB (UoN), and Diploma in Law (KSL).

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